Watched the love guru on psp , super funny sia :X thenn , haoming kor msged me to di siao me . LOL , go find dasao lahhs . Yeahhs , pon-ed sch today , kinda dun feel lyk going . Maybe tmr after sch , i just go and return the money can already lahhs . There's just this obstacle that i just can't overcome somehow , since that i seriously don't know what i should do . Plus , that i've not been emotionally well or rather just simply to say that im just in a super bad mood .
It's better to avoid going to anywhere or communicating /: Thoughh , its seriously killing me lahhs . Don't know whye joojoo's being super cold to me ... seriously , it confused me , not just joojoo , meanie as well . Whye in the world do you two guys wanna confused me even more ? It's freaking pissing me off .
Maybe , it just doesn't seems like so to you , im a female , im not a male . I don't think like a male , even if I can understand how males thinks sometimes , but im still a female . And I hate my gender , thoughh , being a female's better than being a male . Just looking at deon kor can tell already lahhs . As in , that's what i learned on sat , being a male isn't as easy .
Or should i just say its more of being a human /: I don't know , i doubt anything in this world's easy at all . It's better to disappear and run away from all the problems and stuffs . I'm just a coward , there's no way i can love myself ? Or rather , I do love myself , it's just how do i say it ... uh ...
I don't really know how to put them into words , but its just like im just freaking hell confused , whye can't i simply just understand what meanie and joojoo's thinking sometimes . And when i predicted that it MIGHT happen or whatever that they might say , it just didn't happen . I know meanie isn't those kinda romantic guys or whatsoever like those i read in shojo mangas , i don't even know a thingy ? /: For some reasons , it's like i never actually knew him that well ? Well , he's a boring guy , to be frank , and he's just a little romantic , not as romantic as me i guess ? ._. But , he manage to does some stuffs that im unable to do -.- It freaking makes me kinda jealous thoughh . :X I mean , at least he doesn't cry over stupid stuffs like me . And whye in the hell did he get to act cool , while i don't ! )x
I know i get jealous easily /: And im freaking turning lyk some control freako like my ex ? ._. as in , i want to do it , but i know it's just something that doesn't suit me at all . It's just some freaking desire i guess . It'll be gone sooner or later , i hope :X Every humans have tons of problems , i shouldn't be thinking that im the only one suffering and stuffs right ? I just wish that I have the courage to step up and face all the problems at once , and stop thinking that if I were to do that , it'll put me at a disadvantage and causing even more troublesome things to happen .

added @ 12 . 28 ; though its already the next day .

I smsed meanie and on msn i founded deon korkor to talk about it , since i myself couldn't seriously just freaking solve it . & just told deon kor all the troubles that i actually have , hes the only one that i can really talk to everything about that that time .
yeahhs , and haoming kor jio-ed me out tmr , kinda dun feel lyk going already lahhs , dun feel lyk going to his hse . i mean , deon kor derh hse i still okay , but his hse , guess not -.- it'll just bring back some memories that i don't wanna rmb about since that he and that freako live kinda near . but whatever , my one solved and the others didn't . I mean , i just need a pairs of ears to listen to me , though , meanie's most probably the first one i'll confront to . But , whatever perhaps , he has begun to be part of my besties + boyf . I don't care even if you didn't reply to me or whatever , i don't care even if you don't love me anymore . I don't wanna care anymore .
You're just making me sometimes , turning into those kinda woman that i don't wanna become . So , what ? I'll just control it , i can't forever depend on meanie nor deon nor joojoo or whoever . It's just not helping myself , im not this weak before right ?
I know i just have tons of negative thoughts in my mind , but it's still not the end of the world , even without meanie's love to me , the earth's still revolving around the sun . I feel lyk im pestering him , like that girl which gabriel told me about ? /: You know , i hate to go and cling onto peepos too much and stuffs , it's not turning me cool or whatever . But , sometimes i just happens to ignore it . Im kinda have enough of everything already . Perhaps , i seriously need some time to cool down or whatever . Im just being angry at myself i guess .
But , seriously , I've never even waited for a guy this long before -.- Seriously no . Sometimes , i wonder whye is meanie the special one whom gets such waiting from me ? Im not all that great ? Am i in love with him ? Even if i cry or whatever , meanie would never know such things ;D until i tell him directly ? He won't even know what im thinking now ? /: I doubt so i mean , all i know is that he would never come to my blog and reads any of the posts . Hopefully , deon can stop treating me so good already , sometimes i dont deserve your kindness ;D you know ? Perhaps , i should just vanish for a while from the world , seriously i need to put myself together again before i can do anything again , it's just too much on me already . I doubt anyone would understand anything at all .